Away from all the sick people and frustration, I was in my very world. No cold eyes, no pungent thoughts, no sarcastic comments, no outrageous dreams and no temptation to wounds. I was in my very train of thoughts.. sweeter this time! I do agree, when life becomes stagnant, one really aspires to stir it. Its similar to say "if you don't have problems create them!"
Those were the long chilled nights, when away from my bed and rugs, I have learnt, sensed, tasted, smelt and lived my life. It was an analysis to observe "me" .... I could distillate myself and was not a part of vapors this time! I was the precipitate, here to stay, ever and forever.
This was the time, I was realizing, sukh hai alag aur chain alag hai..par jo ye dekhe wo naina alag hai. I learnt to sit and enlist all bad things and good things when we happen to encounter any incidence. I was stronger then. Like cooling lava, hot but sedimenting.
This was the time when I realized only free space and atoms exist, rest is perception! Happiness is only a better way to express that. I never have been developing the courage of facing so many people at a time. But I did it. These holidays helped me in molding my relations with my mother at heart, better termed as father.
This was the time I could see the clear boundaries between friends and not so friends.
This was the time I asked myself the very question, which I should have asked before entering into my institute. Something inside me answered me, this was first time and I observed how all these factors contributed for my choice of the career. The Chaos helped me in the discovery of me being in existence and satisfaction of fighting against all odds and getting the best out of it. I hope for next couple of years I don't develop some other Chaos in mind, I hope I read newspapers with no random intense thoughts; I concentrate on my work without keeping my other self away from cherished moments. Exhilaration of seeing myself successful, though I know I can turn more unromantic and develop new philosophies! And finally I hope this distance and time parameters never bother me and my friends!
